


Forget Me Not

by mookitano10



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Boys Kissing, Coming Out, F/F, F/M, Hurt Dean Winchester, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Memory Loss, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-01
Updated: 2018-01-06
Packaged: 2018-09-21 10:25:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9543680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mookitano10/pseuds/mookitano10
Summary: Dean and Cas have been dating for a while now. Only nobody knows, not even Dean.All Cas needs to do is make Dean fall in love with him all over again. Should be easy.Unfortunately Cas has never had it "easy"





	1. Not Just a Bad Day

Cas slammed the door and stalked into his office on Monday morning. His secretary, Kali, watched him cautiously and sent a quick message to his brother Gabriel.

Kali: Little brother is pissed!!! What did you do?

Gabe: Why does everyone assume it’s my fault? I haven’t spoken to Cassy since Friday.

Gabe: Are you sure it’s not just his normal Monday morning mood? We all know he’s not a morning person.

Kali: No, this isn’t normal Monday Cas. This is slamming doors and I could kill you with a glare Cas. And just because you haven’t spoken to him since Friday doesn’t mean it’s not your fault. I haven’t seen him this angry since that time you tried to bake a cake and destroyed his oven.

Gabe: Why won’t anyone let that go? It was months ago! I even apologized and paid for the repairs.

Kali: You really don’t know why he might be in such a foul mood?

Gabe: Nope

Kali: Damn. Now I have to deal with a grumpy boss and I don’t even know why. At least when it’s your fault I can get him to calm down after a few minutes of badmouthing you.

Gabe: Hey!!!! aren’t you supposed to be on my side? I’m your boyfriend.

Kali: He’s my boss.

Kali: And it’s nice to have someone to gripe to when you’re being exceptionally annoying. He gets it.

Gabe: I knew it was a bad idea to date my brother’s secretary.

Kali: Oh so that whole two months you spent trying to convince me to go out with you, that was a bad idea?

Gabe: Now you’re testing me to see if I’ll say something stupid that you can hold over my head for weeks on end. I know your games woman. It won’t work.

Kali: Damn I was really hoping to get some sort of apology chocolates out of you.

Gabe: Yeah yeah, I’ll swing by later and take him out to lunch. See if I can get something out of him.

Kali: Thanks Gabe. He’s free 1:20-2:00

. . . . . . .  
“Gabe I really don’t have time for this.” Cas complained as Gabe dragged him to the café across the street from his office building.

“Yes you do. Kali said you were free till two. I even chose a place within walking distance so it’ll be fast.”

“I really don’t like you dating my secretary.” Cas grumbled low enough that Gabe almost didn’t hear him. He chose to ignore the comment in favor of ordering his food. Cas gave his order as well and they both waited patiently for their meal.

Cas knew Gabe was itching to ask him about his foul mood but the shorter man had yet to broach the subject. Cas hoped that Gabe would attribute his bad mood to the fact that it was a Monday and not push for details. He really didn’t want to talk about it. Even if he did want to talk about it Gabe wouldn’t have any idea what he was talking about. He’d never meant for it to get this far but after nearly a year of lying to his brother he couldn’t just come out and tell him what was bothering him.

“So . . . ” Gabe started but then stopped hoping Cas would get the hint. Cas feigned ignorance.

“So?”

“Kali tells me, and don’t get mad at her she only said something to me because she cares about you, but she tells me you’re having a rough go of it today.” He looked almost sympathetic. Cas wasn’t falling for it.

“At our age don’t you think we should be above office gossip?” Cas thanked the young woman handing him his food and then turned back to Gabe.

“It’s not really office gossip if I don’t work there. And it’s not like she’s talking to any of the other people in the office. Just me. She’s worried it might be something I did but I don’t remember offending you the last time we spoke. In fact I remember you being exceptionally chipper the last time we spoke. What happened?”

“Nothing happened Gabe. Just having a bad day.”

“Did your date stand you up?” Gabe’s words made Cas look up in shock.

“What?” He didn’t know did he?

“Don’t think I didn’t notice. You always get jittery and you stutter when you’re nervous or excited. Plus you cut our conversation short because you were going to dinner with a “friend” I’m not an idiot Cassy.”

“I . . . it, it wasn’t . . . “ Cas took a deep breath. “Yeah.” He really didn’t want to talk about this.  
The rejection already stung enough and to have to lie about it to his brother was downright excruciating. He tried to console himself with the fact that at least Gabe believed it was just a date that stood him up and not the man he’d been secretly dating for 11 months. He’d spent most of the weekend wallowing in self-pity and by this morning he had moved past hurt and straight to mad. It was one thing to cancel at the last minute, he would have still been upset but he’d get over it, it was a completely other thing to just not show up. No phone calls, no explanation, in fact Cas hadn’t heard anything from the man since Tuesday morning. Everything seemed fine then. After a quick shower together they grabbed breakfast and parted ways with a promise to call later.

“Wow she must be something if you’re this hung up over her.” Gabe pulled Cas from his thoughts.

“I thought so but I guess she didn’t feel the same.” It was only a partial lie.

“Sorry man, that sucks.” Gabe patted him on the shoulder sympathetically and despite everything it did make Cas feel a little bit better to get some of it off his chest.

“It’s all for the best.” Cas shrugged and took a bite of his sandwich. “Never would have worked long term anyways.” He said through a mouth full of food. Hoping his nonchalance would convince his brother not to push.

“Still sucks.” Gabe said and then dug into his own food.

They walked back to Cas’ office in silence, Gabe following him up to the fifth floor so he could say hi to Kali before he left.

“Oh.” Gabe nearly shouted before he left, startling a woman walking by with a stack of papers. “Cassy, remember our old roommate Garth? He’s getting married and he invited us to the engagement party this Friday.”

“Really? Good for him. That sounds fun.”

“Cool I’ll tell him to expect three, unless you plan on bringing a date?” Cas shook his head at Gabe’s question. ”Great, I’ll see you then. It’ll be so cool we’ll get to see some of our old college buddies.” Gabe smiled and then said goodbye to Kali a second time.


	2. Getting to the Truth

Cas rode with Gabe and Kali to the engagement party and he was actually starting to enjoy himself. For the first time in a week he wasn’t thinking about the end of the only relationship he’d ever felt comfortable in. Even if it was a secret and they never showed any sign to being together around any friends or family, it was still the only time he’d ever felt right in a relationship. Probably because all of his previous relationships had been with women that, as much as he tried, he was not romantically or sexually interested in. Cas wondered idly if he would have ever come out to his friends and family had the relationship progressed any further. He sighed. There was no reason to wonder about that now. The relationship was over and the worst part was Cas didn’t even know why.

The party was just starting when they got there and Cas immediately went over to congratulate Garth. They chatted for a few moments and then Gabe suggested they give some of the other guests a chance to speak to the couple. Cas knew it was really Gabe’s way of saying let’s go find some food and from the cheeky grin Garth was throwing their way he figured he understood too.

Ten minutes later found Cas sitting at a table alone with a plate of food while his brother and Kali went to track down some alcohol. He could see Garth and his fiancé a few feet away and if he paid attention he could hear snatches of the conversations they had with their guests. He stared at his plate of food as his good mood from earlier started to fade. He thought this would be a nice way to take his mind off of things and catch up with an old friend but it really just served to add salt to the wound. All the happy couples chatting and celebrating made him insanely jealous and bitter. Why did all of these people get to be with the ones the loved but he couldn’t? What had he ever done to deserve this?

“Sam it’s so good to see you.” Garth cheerily threw his arms around a tall man. Cas’ head jerked up at the familiar name and then swiveled around looking for the man’s brother, half hoping to see him and half hoping not to. The disappointment when he didn’t catch sight of green eyes and freckles was a lot deeper than he was willing to admit.

“I heard about Dean. Is he alright?” Cas’ ears perked up at the name and he pretended not to listen to Garth and Sam’s conversation.

“Still in the hospital, but he insisted I come tonight. Said he was sick of seeing my face.” Cas’ heart immediately sped up, why is Dean in the hospital?

“Why is he in the hospital?” Garth’s fiancé, Bess, echoed Cas’ thought out loud.

“He was up on a friend’s roof replacing the shingles when he stepped on some loose ones and slipped. Fell a good twenty feet. Cracked a few ribs, dislocated his shoulder and hit his head pretty hard.” Cas stared open mouthed at Sam. He’d completely forgotten that he was supposed to not be listening to this conversation.

“Oh, that sounds painful.” Bess grimaced.

“Yeah, He was out for a couple days. It was touch and go and the doctors were worried about the extent of the head injury. His ribs will heal and his shoulder is in a brace. They have him hooked up to morphine so he’s not in much pain but he’s also suffering from retrograde amnesia. He’s lost the last couple years. Still thinks he’s in college, had to convince him he’d finished his masters in architecture last spring.”

“When will he be able to go home?” Garth asked.

“In a couple days. They wanna do a few more scans to make sure there isn’t any bleeding or swelling on the brain before they release him.”

“Will he get his memories back?” Bess questioned.

“No one knows. The doctors are hopeful that they’ll be triggered once he gets back to his normal life but they might never come back.”  
Cas’ heart shattered at the news. Here he was this whole week cursing Dean and being angry with the man when he was in the hospital. And then the knowledge that Dean wouldn’t remember him, or anything they’d been through over the last year, hit him hard. His shattered heart felt like it had been set on fire and then stomped on.  
Sure He and Dean had known each other for nearly four years now. They had a lot of classes together but up until a year ago they were only acquaintances. The kind of acquaintance where you know the person’s face and you might nod a hello when you pass each other on campus but other than that you don’t really talk. They had been paired together on a project for one of their design classes. They had to design a green, sustainable office building for the final and they were assigned partners at the beginning of the semester and then give half the semester’s class time to work on it. He and dean had spent several weeks together on that project.  
It just sort of happened during one of those late nights pouring over floor plans and researching building materials. Dean leaned in and kissed him. Just a soft peck that was over almost before Cas knew what was going on. Dean pulled back with an apology already on the tip of his tongue when Cas gripped the front of his shirt and hauled him back in for a searing kiss that was much more intense than the first one.  
After that they talked. Neither of them had come out yet. Dean was worried how his father would take it. He was one of those macho types who served in the marines and made no secret of his feelings toward gay men. Dean said his father was never outright rude or anything but he definitely didn’t “agree with the lifestyle.” Dean’s mother never said anything one way or the other so he didn’t know how she would react, and he really wasn’t looking forward to finding out any time soon, same went for his younger brother Sam.  
Cas’ family on the other hand was extremely religious and believed that homosexuality was a sin that one needed to repent of. Gabe had fallen away from the faith during college and so had Cas, but their older brother Michael and his wife were still very devout and so were their parents. Cas and Gabe still went to church with the family when they were home visiting and they tried not to throw it in their parent’s faces that they didn’t share their beliefs.   
Cas and Dean also lived in a state that was trying to repeal prop 8, and had plenty of laws in place that allowed people to refuse service or jobs to people on the bases of sexual orientation alone. They both just agreed to keep it private for the time being.

“Oh hey Cas. I didn’t know you knew Garth and Bess.” Sam was smiling as he took a seat next to Cas, followed by the two people in question.

“Uh Garth was my roommate a few years ago.” Cas explained and Garth nodded in agreement.

“Yep him and his brother Gabe rented out their spare room to me for a year. How do you know Cas?”

“He and Dean worked on a big class project together last fall. They spent almost half the semester camped out at our kitchen table.”

“I was still sharing an apartment with my brother and it was quieter at Sam and Dean’s apartment with Sam gone most of the time.” Cas explained. Garth sympathized with how loud he knew Gabriel could be.

“Yeah I was trying to give you guys space it looked like a monster of a project and Dean was really stressed about it being worth fifty percent of your grades.”

“Well I appreciated it Sam, and I’m sorry to hear about Dean’s accident.” Cas tried to sound casual.

“Thanks man. He’ll be all right. Hey we’re sorta throwing him a welcome home slash get well soon party on Tuesday. Really it’s just gonna be dinner and chatting for a couple hours at our place nothing too crazy cause he’s still healing but I bet he’d really like to see you again. It’s been a while. Maybe you can talk about your project and see if it jogs any memories? His doctor said any little thing might do it.” Sam looked hopeful.

“I don’t know. I mean I was just his partner on a project.” Cas said sadly.

“Oh come on you seemed like pretty good friends to me. He talked about you all the time. Even after the project was completed and turned in.”

“He did?” Cas asked hesitantly. “I-I mean we were kinda friends but it was so recent if he doesn’t remember anything from this year he probably doesn’t remember me.”

“That’s ok, my girlfriend Madison is coming and he doesn’t remember her. I’m trying to get a mix of people he’s know for a long time and people he’s only met recently to see if anything helps.”

“Yes, I guess I could swing by for a little bit. You said Tuesday right? What time?” Cas was kicking himself for agreeing to this but the knowledge that it would be painful to be in the same room with a Dean that didn’t remember him wasn’t as important as his heart’s reaction to the knowledge that he would be near Dean again.

“Yeah Tuesday at six thirty. It’s a weekday and people have work or school the next morning so it’ll be over before nine and there won’t be copious amounts of alcohol, don’t want any hangovers on a Wednesday morning.” Sam chuckled.

“Ok I’ll see you there.”


	3. The Party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry it took so long to get another chapter. A friend of mine recently introduced me to Yuri On Ice and I've been fangirling for the past couple weeks and forgot about updating this story. I'll try to be better about new chapters regularly. Sorry.

Dean really was not in the mood for a dinner party. He wasn’t in the mood for guests at all but Sam was so sure that these people would help him regain the two and a half years he’d lost. It was weird enough waking up in a hospital and having some nurse tell you that you were two years in the future but now he was expected to entertain friends he didn’t even know? Maybe for them it wasn’t weird but for him it was like time traveling and then being expected to take over his future self’s life with no knowledge of what had happened in the years he skipped.

Sam’s girlfriend seemed nice. She’d come over early to help with the cooking and set up. She and Sam would joke about things that had happened in the few months they’d been dating but Dean had no idea what they were talking about and he felt it was insight into how the rest of the evening would progress.

 

The dinner guest arrived shortly after six thirty and Dean was pleasantly surprised to see a few familiar faces mixed in with the strangers. His buddy Garth was there with a pretty blond that Dean did not know but he found out that they’d only met one other time a few months back so even if he had his memories he might not remember her. She handed him a plate full of brownies and smiled sweetly at him. His best friend Benny came barging in with home made chili and his uncle Bobby and aunt Ellen were also there with their daughter Jo and her boyfriend Bryan. Dean didn’t know him but he seemed pretty nice. Their parents couldn’t make it, they were on a cruise somewhere in the Caribbean but they’d skyped a few times and offered to fly straight home after hearing of the accident. Dean assured them he would be fine and they shouldn’t cut their vacation sort. Dean was surprised, however, to see the gorgeous guy from his econ class on the other side of his door holding a pie.

“Cas you made it?” Sam greeted him and then ushered everyone into the tiny living room. Dean couldn’t stop staring. He sort of knew the guy from school. Econ wasn’t the only class they’d shared that year, or the last year Dean remembered, but he never knew the guy’s name. He’d always been too shy to approach him. Plus he never knew what he would say if he did get up the nerve to approach him. It wasn’t like he could ask him out or anything and chances were pretty high the guy was straight. Dean had seen him around campus holding hands with a pretty brunette.

“Ok everyone, so our table really only seats four comfortably but you’re all welcome to sit in the living room if you’d like, make yourselves comfortable. Plates and forks are on the counter just grab what you want and find a seat.” Sam instructed. 

Once everyone was settled in the conversation flowed pretty easily. Dean discovered that Garth knew the handsome stranger, Cas, and they spent a good amount of time chatting about Garth’s coming nuptials. Dean quickly surmised that the blond with Garth was his fiancé.

“So uh Sam tells me we’re friends.” Dean said as he filled his plate with a second helping of the amazing pie Cas brought.

“Y-yeah we uh, worked on a project together last fall and kind of hit it off.” Cas answered quietly. He wondered if anyone else could hear his frantic heart trying to escape from his chest.

“Oh, cool.” Dean tried not to sound too disappointed, but he’d hoped he and Cas were closer friends. From what Cas said it sounded like they were just slightly above acquaintances.

“So, uh, are you gonna take your girlfriend to Garth’s wedding?” Dean asked, going for nonchalance.

“Girlfriend?” Cas asked, a perplexed look crossing his face.

“Pretty, dark hair, you’re always with her on campus. Well I guess two years ago you were always with her on campus. Sorry I just assumed you’d still be together.” Dean babbled.

“Oh, Hannah.” Cas muttered when he realized whom Dean was talking about. “No, uh, that didn’t pan out. She moved to Phoenix last year.” The relief was plainly visible on Dean’s face. If only Cas would look at him to see it.

“Sorry man.” Dean’s not sorry at all. Then he reminds himself that the guy’s straight and even if he doesn’t have a girlfriend it doesn’t mean he’d be interested in Dean.

“No, don’t be. Sometimes things just don’t work out.” Dean doesn’t miss the sudden droop of Cas’ shoulders and sadness creeping into his voice. He incorrectly interprets the somber mood to mean that Cas is still upset about losing Hannah.

The awkwardness stretches for one very long minute before Sam calls for everyone’s attention.

“Ok, so I was hoping if maybe we all shared one memory of Dean from this year we might spark something in his memory. And if not we can all still get a laugh out of it. What do you guys think?” Everyone agreed and Dean glared at Sam. He really didn’t want to be the center of attention and he just knew Jo would probably chose the most embarrassing story she could think of and it would be even worse because he wouldn’t be able to defend himself or keep her from over exaggerating because he wouldn’t have any memory of the event. He glanced sideways at Cas and hoped this evening wouldn’t send him running for the hills.

“So, back in June” Garth started. “Dean came over to my place with Benny and Sam and . . .” He giggled.” And they were all dressed in bikinis. Like barely any coverage at all, tiny, women’s bikinis, and they were all smashed. Apparently they’d lost a bet to Jo and they had to go knock on a stranger’s door and say trick or treat. I’d just moved in a few weeks prior so they didn’t know it was my house.” Garth giggled some more.

“I was gonna tell that one. They looked ridiculous and I had to allow it because when they knocked they didn’t know it was your place so it technically counted as knocking on a stranger’s door.” Jo pouted and the poorly concealed laughter, from everyone but the three men in the spotlight, filled the room. 

“Jo filmed it too.” Cas gasped between laughter. Dean’s face went red and he couldn’t believe that Cas had seen him running around drunk, wearing a bikini.

Jo pulled out her phone to show everyone but Sam grabbed it before she had the chance.

“No, no. We really don’t need to mentally scar everyone.” He said at the same time Benny said: “We really don’t need to see that!”

Sam was next. “So for the past few months, I’m not sure exactly how long because I only noticed it recently but, for the past few months Dean has been humming softly under his breath. I really only noticed it when Madison pointed it out but when I thought about it I realized he’d been doing it for months.”

“I’ve noticed that too.” Benny says.

“He does it a lot.” Ellen comments and Bobby nods in agreement.

“Exactly, he does it all the time. So I started listening closer and he’s been humming . . .” Sam pauses for dramatic effect. “Taylor Swift songs.” Sam laughs.

“Ok just because I don’t have my memories doesn’t mean I can’t detect bull shit. You’re lying.” Dean points an accusing finger at his brother.

“No, you know what? Now that I think about it I think you’re right.” Benny looks like he just figured out a tough riddle as a wicked smile spreads across his face. “About two Fridays ago you were humming Begin Again while we were working on my truck.”

“I don’t even know what that song is. But apparently you do if you could recognize it from someone humming.” Dean tries to force the attention away from himself.

Sam and Jo’s boyfriend both laugh, one of them says: “He’s got a point.”

“It sounds like he’s smitten with someone.” Bess says.

“No, Dean doesn’t really date.” Sam dismisses her comment offhandedly.

“I date.” Dean defends himself.

“Two years ago yeah. But you barely even flirt with women when we go out anymore.” Sam’s words don’t really come as a shock to Dean. He’d been getting tired of flirting with women all the time. They really just didn’t do it for him and he found the constant pretending exhausting. Maybe two years of that finally just wore him down.

“My turn.” Ellen says after seeing the look on Dean’s face. He silently thanks her for saving him. She doesn’t know why he’s stopped dating but she knows when something is none of her, or anybody else’s, business. They all turn to Ellen as she tells a funny story about Dean sneaking one of her pies out of the fridge last thanksgiving. He’d been caught and forced to help make a new one that he wasn’t allowed to touch.

Benny was next. Followed by Madison and then Bobby. Cas was the only one who hadn’t told a story yet, other than Bryan and Bess but they were off the hook for only having met Dean a total of three times between them. 

Cas racked his brain for an appropriate story that wouldn’t give too much away. There were a lot of stories that he wanted to share with Dean. Stories he wanted Dean to remember. Like that time they broke Dean’s couch during an impromptu wrestling match over the remote. They’d propped it up so it looked fine and then when Sam sat on it later that evening, after Cas had left, it fell back down. To this day Sam still believes he was the one who broke the couch. Or When Dean bought Cas flowers for their first date only to find out that Cas was allergic to something in the bouquet. He had hives all over his hands and arms and Dean, upon realizing it was the flowers, snatched the offending things from Cas’ hands and threw them out the window. Cas had looked on in bewilderment and then started laughing. “I could have still put those in a vase or something. They wouldn’t have bothered me if I didn’t touch them.” Cas still teased Dean about the flowers, well, he did before now Dean wouldn’t even know what he was talking about. 

“Um . . .” Cas starts and then stops, at a loss for words. “Ok I have one. Last September Dean bought me tickets to Sweeney Todd for my birthday; I’ve always wanted to go to a Broadway musical and he was able to find tickets for really great prices. So we’re sitting there waiting for the show to start and I noticed that there happened to be a lot of women in the audience. I mean we were two of maybe eight men total in the building and I thought it was interested because the show is pretty gory you know? I mentioned it to him and we tried to guess why so many women were there and we figured it’s probably because it’s a musical. Women tend to like musicals more than men do you know? So, finding that explanation to be satisfactory, we let the subject drop. Well ten minutes later the lights dim and the curtains open. Standing directly in the middle of the stage is a man, and I suddenly become aware that the show we’re about to see is definitely not Sweeney Todd.” Cas pauses for dramatic effect. “And I know this because the man on stage was completely naked. Dean, on the other hand, did not know that the show was not Sweeney Todd and the mortified look on his face when he asked me why there was a naked man was priceless. It turned out that there was a misprint on the tickets and the show we were seeing was called Naked Boys Singing. Sweeney Todd wasn’t scheduled to play until the day after.” The mortified look on Dean’s face was enough to force raucous laughter out of the rest of the group.

“I didn’t know any theaters in town were doing Sweeney Todd. I would have begged to come along.” Jo said after the laughter was dying down.

“Oh, we were in New York.” Cas said without thinking. No one knew about Cas and Dean’s weekend trip to New York for Cas’ birthday. Dean had told Sam he was going to a work retreat up in some secluded mountain lodge and Cas had told his family he was flying to New York to meet with a big client. Which wasn’t a total lie. He did meet with the client but it wasn’t really something he needed to dedicate the entire weekend to and he’d talked Dean into coming with. They’d been disappointed because he had to work on his birthday and he wasn’t going to be in town but he assured him they could do the customary birthday dinner after he got home.

“When were you in New York?” Sam asked Dean. The shorter man shrugged.

“Memory loss Sammy.” He said in way of explanation, pointing at his head for emphasis. Sam turned the question to Cas. Shit shit shit. Cas mentally cursed himself.

“Uh . . .” He looked at the expectant faces of Dean’s friends and family, at a loss for words. A loud buzzing sound broke the silence and Cas barely managed to stop the massive sigh of relief when he realized it was his phone vibrating.

“Sorry that’s me.” He said, not sorry at all and walked out of the room to answer his phone.

It was Gabe. Cas had never been more grateful for annoying meddling brothers in his life.

“Cassy, where do you keep your bottle opener?” Gabe asked in way of greeting.

“Are you in my apartment?” Cas asked, his thankfulness for Gabe retreating fast. He could hear the conversation pick back up in the other room.

“duh.” Gabe said as if it was obvious.

“Why?” He drummed his fingers on the kitchen counter trying not to think of the time Dean had pinned him up against it and tried to sucked his brain out through his dick.

“Dude you have nothing to eat here.” Gabe said. Opting to ignore Cas’ question.

“You’re drunk.” Cas realized out loud. “Don’t touch anything I’m coming home.” Sober Gabe was destructive enough; Drunk Gabe was like a damn hurricane in the middle of an earthquake.

Cas sighed after hanging up on his brother and turned to face the people in the other room only to find Dean standing behind him with a perplexed look on his face.

“You’re leaving?” He asked and Cas could clearly see the poorly covered disappointment in his eyes.

“Yeah, my brother is minutes away from destroying my apartment. If I leave now I might be able to minimize the damage.” Cas tries to sound casual.

“Oh, yeah . . .” Dean rubs the back of his neck self-consciously.

“It was good seeing you again.” Cas aches with the need to touch Dean. They haven’t been this awkward with each other since that first kiss.

“Yeah, Uh, you’ll have to tell me more about that trip to New York. Sounds like we had quite the experience.” Oh you have no idea Cas thought. Remembering the night they had after that show. The unbearably long taxi ride back to the hotel and the frenzied rush to remove each other’s clothing once they were finally alone in their room. How he’d pinned Dean to the bed and took him slowly. Each thrust pulling broken moans from the man beneath him. He’d told Dean he loved him that night and to his surprise Dean had said it back without hesitation. 

“Yeah, sometime.” Cas offered a shy smile and then turned toward the door.

“Can I have your number?” Dean blurted out. “I mean just incase I remember something . . . about you.” Dean cringed at the awkwardness. “To check accuracy.” He finished lamely.

“I’m fairly certain my number is already programmed into your phone.” Cas smiled.

“Oh, ok.” Dean blushed. Cas’ fingers twitched, wanting to brush against the heated skin across Dean’s cheekbones. He forced himself to turn away from the man and walk out into the living room to bid farewell to the others.

After Cas left the other guests started to taper off too, leaving Dean and Sam to tidy up before heading to bed. Sam only managed five minutes after the last guest left before asking Dean about New York again.

“Sam I don’t remember.” Dean said trying not to let the frustration bleed into his tone.

“I know, I know. It’s just. You never told me about going to New York with Cas and I though we told each other everything. Or at least the big things and a trip to New York is a big thing.” Sam looked hurt and Dean felt terrible even though he didn’t intentionally hurt his younger brother. At least he hopes he didn’t intentionally keep this from Sam to hurt him. He didn’t really know why future him, well past him technically, hadn’t told his brother about the trip.

“If I knew Sammy, I’d tell ya. Maybe you’ll just have to ask Cas.” Dean shrugged and then finished putting away the leftover food.

Sam stared at his older brother like he was trying to figure out a complex puzzle. “You know you can tell me anything right? I won’t judge.” He said after a moment’s consideration.

“Won’t judge what?” Dean said a little too defensively.

“Nothing. Forget I said anything.” Sam quickly backtracked at his brother’s tone. “It’s been a long day I think I’m gonna get some sleep. Night Dean.” Sam almost missed the look of concern mingled with relief on his brother’s face when he let the subject drop.


	4. Secrets Hidden in Closets

“I love you.” Cas pants as he comes down from the high. Sweat and cum cooling on his exposed skin. Dean groans from his position next to Cas and then drags the shorter man in for a searing kiss, not caring about the mess between them.

“I don’t know if now’s the best time to say this, seein’s how we just got done fucking, but I love you more than I ever thought I could love another person.” Dean says shyly after breaking away from the kiss. Cas’ answering smile is blinding and then they’re kissing again. Hands grasping at exposed, damp, flesh while tongues explore and legs entwine. Things are starting to heat up and Dean’s sure he’ll be ready for another round soon.

“DEAN!” Sam yells from the other side of the door and Dean jerks up in bed, alone and uncomfortably hard. “Your damn alarm has been going off for the past ten minutes.” Sam calls through the door. Dean can hear the muffled sound and starts feeling around for his phone when he belatedly realizes that he left it in the kitchen the night before and that’s why it sounds so much quieter than normal. He jumps out of bed and rushes toward the noise to turn it off, nearly knocking Sam on his ass on the other side of the door when it flings open.

“Sorry Sammy.” He steadies his brother and then continues on his mission to kill the offending noise. The shock of the situation has erased most of the dream from Dean’s mind but he can’t shake the longing he feels for blue eyes and perpetually chapped lips.

The rest of the morning is spent looking at pictures and reading past text conversations. His boss told him he didn’t have to come in the rest of the week while he got his bearings back. He wished him well and expressed a hope for Dean’s memory to return before hanging up. Dean thought the man sounded nice but he still had no memory of him or any of his coworkers.

Sam leaves for class with hesitancy, not wanting to leave Dean alone all day. Dean assures him he’ll be fine and that he’s not a damn child that needs constant supervision. He especially doesn’t need his little brother hovering over him all day and fretting about every little thing he does. Dean briefly considers bodily, shoving Sam out the door when he expresses his concerns, for the third time, about leaving. Luckily Sam is smart enough to get the hint and leaves of his own volition. 

After Sam has been gone a reasonable amount of time and Dean’s sure he’s not going to come back for anything he might have forgotten, Dean wanders around their apartment. He looks through their movies and sees a few titles he isn’t familiar with and a few titles of movies he remember seeing previews for but he doesn't remember them coming out. He makes a mental not to watch those and then moves on to snoop around the rest of the apartment. 

Dean feels ridiculous snooping through his own things and he tries to tell himself that it’s not really snooping because it’s his stuff, but that’s how it feels. Not finding anything interesting in the livingroom or kitchen; Dean decides to try his bedroom. He’d looked around a little bit the day before but now that he doesn’t have Sam hovering he can do a more thorough inspection. 

His wardrobe hasn’t changed much, a few new items but nothing unusual. He finds a sweatshirt tucked in the back of his closet that looks vaguely familiar but he know’s it’s not one of his. He picks up the sweater and finds a box underneath it.

“What’s this?” He wonders out loud. 

Dean surreptitiously glances around the room. He knows he’s alone but he still has the urge to check before pulling out the box and taking it over to his bed. It looks like an old shoe box and if it hadn’t been hidden in the back of his closet, underneath a sweater that he’s pretty sure didn’t belong to him, then he wouldn’t have even given it a second look. 

Inside the box Dean finds a handful of ticket stubs, a pen, a red and white striped tie that he recognizes as his own, scraps of paper with messy handwritten notes, and a leather bracelet with a metal charm that says “always with you.” 

Upon further inspection of the items he notes that one of the ticket stubbs is for Sweeney Todd and he immediately thinks of Cas. Suddenly his dream from this morning hits him like a bulldozer. He’d almost forgotten about it in that way that one forgets dreams after waking up. His cheeks flush with the memory of how erotic the dream was. It’s not that he’s never had a wet dream before. He had. Plenty of times, but this one was different. It felt real, but not, at the same time. Even just thinking about it, alone, in his room, he couldn’t make sense of it. 

Dean can clearly remember the feeling of Cas’ sweaty skin beneath his hands and the taste of him on his tongue but it all seemed so impossible. Dean is fairly certain he’s never been with Cas like that. He is firmly set in the closet and Cas is straight. When would something like that even happen? He tries to focus on something else, anything else, other than his dream. Slowly he puts the ticket stubbs back and picks up his tie, trying to figure out why it is in the box.

While he examines the fabric he has a mental image of Castiel grabbing hold of it and pulling it’s wearer in close for a messy, desperate kiss. He can imagine what it would be like to have the handsome man hold him hostage with the fabric looped around his neck. Again, it seems more real than just a fantasy, as Dean winds and unwinds the tie around his hands. He gets lost in the fantasy of what he and Cas could do with that tie and he feels himself growing hard at the mental images being conjured. 

The shrill ringing of his phone makes him jump and knock the box off the bed. The contents scattering across the floor and the tie falling limply at his feet. For a moment Dean looks at the offending device and sees Jo’s name flash across the screen.

“Hey loser.” She says as greeting when he finally answers. 

“Hi” His voice sounds wrecked and he clears his throat, hoping she doesn’t notice or at least writes it off as something else. 

“Wanna grab lunch. I’ve got an hour and I’m already halfway to your place.” She says and Dean knows that means he doesn’t really have a choice in the matter.

“Yeah sure just text me when you get here I’ll meet out in the parking lot.”

“Cool see you in a few.” She singsongs and then hangs up. Dean hastily gathers the box and it’s scattered contents and stuffs it back in his closet where he found it. He’s not sure whey he’s keeping it a secret but he knows he doesn’t want Sam to accidentally find it. It’s private and the things inside hold some kind of importance to him, even if he doesn’t remember what that might be. 

Jo is there soon after and the box is forgotten while the two get lunch and chat about the two years Dean is missing. It’s nice and Dean is thankful for his friend for thinking of him. It’s not until they’re getting ready to leave that Dean sees a flash of blue eyes and dark hair and his thoughts turn back to the secret hidden in his closet and the feeling nagging just below the surface. Something is not right in Dean’s world and he has no idea what it could be.


	5. Always?

Cas flops down face first on his bed. The weight of the last few days holding him down and he silently wonders if it was all really worth it. All the secrets and lies? In the end all they did was cause him heartache. 

His mind is flooded with thoughts of what could have, should have, been. He always knew that a secret relationship would never work. Sure he liked the romantic notion of it. A clandestine love affair like Romeo and Juliet or Tristan and Isolde. He should have known. If your relationship can be compared to Romeo and Juliet then it's destined to end bloody. And sure there was no actual blood in his case and no teenagers were dead but it still felt like his world was crumbling at his feet. 

A soft musical lilt fills the air and Cas groans. Kali is calling. Struggles to pull the phone out of his pocket without moving from his prone position on the bed. 

“Hello?” He grumbles into the phone. 

“Hey Cas, sorry to call you after hours but I just received an email from Mr. Alistair. He needed a copy of the invoice. I can't find it in our files.” 

“There should be a hard copy in my filing cabinet.” Cas sits up and rubs at his temple with his free hand. 

“I know but it's locked. That's why I'm calling you. Where is the key?” Her response sounds tired and a little exasperated. 

“Sorry, sorry, I've got the key I'll be right there.” 

With a groan he heaves himself up and pulls his shoes back on. He reaches for his keys in the bowl by the door and checks to make sure the key to his file cabinet is still there. There's something else tangled up with his keys. The bracelet that Dean made for him is knotted around his keychain. He'd forgotten that it was in the bowl. 

Gently he pulls it free and holds it up to examine it. Light catches the metal charm and Cas remembers the day Dean gave it to him. He'd proudly held it out to Cas while simultaneously holding up his other wrist to showcase the matching bracelets. Cas remembers teasing Dean about the sappy words written on the charm but despite that he wore it every day. He only took it off after Dean stopped returning his calls and he thought they'd broken up and before he learned of Dean’s accident. 

Cas wraps the leather around his wrist where it belongs and fastens the clasp. Even if it means nothing to Dean anymore it still means something to him. He can almost convince himself that the promise it holds of always being together is true. 

Cas is at the office in no time, unlocking the cabinet for Kali. She looks dead tired so Cas tells her to finish what she's doing and go home. He even sticks around to make sure she actually leaves. He knows she's a workaholic and she'd gotten that message after she was supposed to leave the first time. It would have been fine if she'd left it for tomorrow but she wouldn't. 

“Hey you should come over and have dinner with me and Gabe tonight.” She nudges his shoulder while they wait for the elevator. 

“Oh I don't want to intrude on your evening.” 

“Please, it makes my heart ache to see you so sad and alone all the time. Whoever she is, she's a fool to let a great guy like you go.” 

“Gabe told you?” Cas nearly shouts then lowers his volume. “I should have never told him anything. I bet everyone knows now.” He grumbles. 

“Probably. But you should know better. Your brother can't keep his trap shut to save his life. Especially when he's been drinking.” 

Cas sighs. He feels like his life is turning into one big sigh. 

“Well I haven't gotten a call from mother yet so I think it's safe to assume he hasn't told her yet.” 

“See it's not that bad. Plus from what he told me there isn't much to tell. You made the right choice there in only giving him the bare minimum of information.” Kali pats his back reassuringly. 

“So, Dinner? I'm making teriyaki chicken with rice and mixed veggies.” 

“Alright, on one condition. No one mentions my love life or lack thereof. Deal?” Cas holds out his hand and Kali shakes it. 

“Deal.”


	6. Mother knows best

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry it's taken so long to update. Just been really busy. Hope you like it:)

It’s been six weeks since Dean’s accident and he’s finally falling into a comfortable routine. He goes to work in the morning, has dinner with Sam most nights, goes out on the weekends with Benny or Jo. He even met a nice girl named Cassy one of those weekends. He took her out to dinner and while she most certainly wasn’t his type he could appreciate her sense of humor and beautiful smile. She was exactly the type of girl his parents would expect him to bring home.   
The had tentative plans to go out again the following Tuesday and Dean found himself dreading and excitedly anticipating the date. On one hand it would get his mom off his back about finally settling down, and give him a distraction from his, not so chaste, thoughts about a certain blue eyed man. But on the other hand he knew that it wouldn’t really change how he felt about Cassy. He still didn’t want anything more than friendship with her and he hated using her as a cover. It wasn’t fair to either of them. Still, he called his mom and told her all about the lovely girl he’d gone out with, knowing it would make her happy.  
Mary had smothered her eldest son with kisses and bone crushing hugs the second she saw him. John rolled his eyes at his wife with a gruff “Kid’s fine, see? Still in one piece.” And if the hug he gave Dean lasted a little longer and was just a tad bit tighter than normal, well, neither of them said anything about it. 

“So, tell us about this girl.” Mary said that sunday. Dean, Sam and Madison were all at the Winchester’s house for dinner.

“What girl?” Sam looks at his brother with a furrowed brow.

“Uh. . . just a girl I met the other night while I was out with Benny. Not much to tell.” He directs the last bit toward his mother.

“But you said you were going out again this Tuesday so there must be something to tell.” Mary prodded gently.

“Yeah, uh, she’s nice?” Dean says and it sounds more like a question than an actual statement. 

“What about Cas?” Sam questions.

“What, ah . . . W-what about Cas.” The look Dean gives Sam is panicked. He wonders if Sam knows about the thoughts and dreams starring Cas that he’s been having. 

“Is Cas the girl you went out with?” Mary asks confused. 

“No uh, her name is Cassy. Cas is just a friend from school.” Dean doesn’t look away from Sam when he answers his mother. 

“Why does this friend care about this girl? Does she like you too?” Mary is still trying to get information out of him.

“No, Cas is a dude. Like I said he’s just a friend from school. We had some classes together.”

“Oh, does he have a crush on this girl then?” 

“Mary leave the poor boy alone, he’s almost as red as a tomato.” John chides through a mouthful of steak. Mary just rolls her eyes and looks at Dean expectantly. 

“I don’t think Cas has ever met Cassy.” He says.

“Then why did Sam bring him up?” John asks. Now more intrigued with the conversation. Mary raises her eyebrow at him and he shrugs. 

“I don’t know, Sam why did you bring up Cas?” Dean glares at his brother as if to silently convey a death threat if he reveals anything about what he may or may not know regardings Dean’s feeling toward Cas. 

“It’s just you’re really good friends and you normally, well before your accident anyways, you would go, well I don’t know where you went but Tuesday's used to always be dedicated to Cas. You’d always do something with him and now you haven’t spoken to him in weeks and I guess I was just curious about when we’d see him again.” Sam babbles to cover up what he really wanted to say. 

“Oh that’s right. You always had ‘Cas days’ as Sam liked to call them. We could always count on you being out of the apartment on Tuesdays.” Madison chimed in, then blushed when she realized what she’d implied about her and Sam’s relationship. 

“How come we’ve never met this Cas person?” Mary questions. 

“He’s just a friend from school, I barely even know the guy.” Dean says a little defensively. 

“Sorry I forgot. You don’t remember how close you and he were.” Sam says pointedly. Dean glares at him and Mary, sensing the tension between her sons steps in to defuse the situation. 

“How are classes going Sam? Learn anything exciting this week?” Dean sighs at the subject change. 

The rest of the evening goes a lot smoother and Mary makes a note to ask Sam more about this Cas person when Dean is not around. She didn’t fail to notice how defensive her eldest got when the subject was brought up. John didn’t miss it either.

“What was that all about with Dean earlier?” He asks his wife after the boys and Madison have left. 

“I don’t know.” Mary sighs. “I’ll have to ask Sam about it. He seems to know more than we do.” 

“Do you think . . .” John stops but he doesn’t have to finish for Mary to know what he’s thinking. 

“Do I think Dean may have been dating Cas? It’s possible.” 

“We should talk to him.” John sighs. 

“I want to but I don’t want to push him. I want him to tell us when he’s ready.” 

“But maybe he’s not telling us because we haven’t talked to him about it. What if he’s afraid of how we’ll react?” 

“You do have a point. But what if Cas really is just a friend and we’re reading too much into it?” Mary wonders. John shrugs and wraps his arms around his wife’s shoulders. 

“We’ll see what Sam knows and then maybe just you know, when we do talk to Dean we don’t mention our suspicions or anything we just let him know that nothing is ever going to change how we feel about him. We leave it open to interpretation.”

“Ok, yeah. I like that.”


	7. It's not a date, or is it?

“Dean I don’t know why you’re so angry.” Sam says right before Dean slams his bedroom door in his face.

Dean paces back and forth across his beroom floor for roughly ten minutes before storming back out. Sam, still on the other side of the door, prepares to be yelled at but is shocked when his older brother storms past him without a glance. 

“Dean?” Sam shouts as he follows after his brother.

“I’m going out.” Is the only response he gets before another door is slammed in his face. Madison hesitates in the doorway to the kitchen, having witnessed the entire altercation. 

“Maybe we should give him some space. I don’t think he appreciated you trying to drag him out of the closet.” She looks a little pissed too. 

“What? That’s not… you think he’s in the closet too?” Sam asks.

“Oh please have you seen the way he and Cas look at each other? I didn’t realize it until just recently but it makes total sense. And what you did tonight in front of your parents was uncalled for. He’ll come out when he’s ready and you really shouldn’t have interrogated him like that.”

“I wasn’t trying to drag him out of the closet that wasn’t my intention and I’m fairly certain my parents already know. But you have to admit he’s been miserable lately and I saw Cas the other day getting coffee and the dude looked like hell.” 

“Have you talked to Cas since the dinner party?” Madison’s anger drops at the mention of Cas. She’d only know him for a short time but she’d developed a soft spot for the guy.

“No, I don’t know what to say to him ‘hi I know we’re not really close and I know I’m not supposed to know about you banging my brother but you’re both miserable so could you, maybe come over and talk to him?’ That would go over well”

“Well not if you put it like that.” She shoves his arm. “Invite him to dinner or something.” 

“I guess.” Sam says but it’s not convincing.

. . . . . . . . 

Dean drives to a bar a few blocks from his apartment, intent on drinking away his frustration with his brother. He wonders idly if maybe he could call up Cassy and go back to her place. Maybe if he got drunk enough he wouldn’t care that she’s a woman and he could work out some of the sexual tension that’s been plaguing his dreams. He dismisses the thought almost as fast as it came. He’d tried that before and it never worked out with any other woman so why would it work with Cassy?   
He sits in his car for ten minutes outside the bar before starting it up and driving off. He tells himself it’s because the bar looked packed and he really wasn’t in the mood for that many people. After driving around for another half hour he finds himself at the movie theater checking out movie times and ignoring the pitying look of the guy at the ticket booth. So what if he’s going to a movie by himself? People do that all the time.

Dean’s not really sure what this movie is about but he settles into his seat quietly and watches the previews and wonders if he’d seen these previews before. Maybe he’s even seen this movie and he just doesn’t remember it. Maybe it was a crap movie that he’s already seen and the look the ticket guy gave him had nothing to do with him being alone. Maybe he was pitying him for seeing the movie twice or wondering what was wrong with him. But for that to be true the ticket guy would have to recognize him and while the town isn’t that big it’s still unlikely that some random teenager at a movie theater would recognize Dean, let alone remember what movies he’d seen at this theater. 

He glances around the nearly empty theater and catches sight of the hot econ guy, Cas, walking down the aisle and checking the seat number on his ticket stub. He’s alone too and a moment of bravery seizes Dean, or maybe it’s insanity he’s not sure, and he gets up from his seat and swiftly walks over to where the guy’s just sat down and plops in the seat next to him.

“Hey Cas, looks like I’m not the only one goin it alone tonight mind if I join you.” Cas startles and nearly drops his popcorn before staring blankly at Dean. 

As the silence stretches on Dean panics. Maybe he’d read the situation wrong the guy probably had a date. Of course he had a date, she probably had to freshen up or whatever it is girls do, and sent him in to find their seats. No way this gorgeous guy would be going to a movie alone.

“Yeah sure.” Cas says and tips his popcorn tword Dean. Because he knows Dean wanted popcorn but couldn’t justify the cost and Cas always buys one because: how can you not buy popcorn at the movie theater?

Hesitantly Dean takes a handful and smiles at Cas. He wants to say something, but the movie starts and so he sits silently and munches on Cas’ popcorn. They bump hands a few times and Dean blushes furiously, it’s almost like being on a date with Cas. Cas of all people. Halfway through the movie he looks around unconsciously for a drink to wash down the salty popcorn when he remembers he didn’t buy one. 

Cas momentarily forgets everything that’s happened over the past few weeks and offers his drink to Dean as well. After months of dating the man he learned his habits pretty well. He didn’t buy snacks at the theater but he always wanted them. He could eat a whole thing of popcorn by himself if he had a drink to go along with it and he liked to put sour patch kids in the popcorn because, strangely enough, the sweet and sour candies mixed really well with the salty, buttery popcorn.   
Dean nearly has an aneurysm while he stares at the proffered cup. Sharing popcorn is one thing but a drink is a completely different thing altogether. It’s so . . . intimate in a way, like, Cas’ mouth has been on that straw and if Dean takes a drink then his mouth will be touching the same straw. And yeah, Dean thinks, some people share food and drinks with their friends but he never has. He can maybe justify it with a boyfriend or something but not with a friend. He wants to though. He really fucking wants to. So he takes it and sips it, he doesn’t even know what kind of soda it is, didn’t even think to ask.

Dean tries not to show the emotions running through his body as he hands to cup back with a whispered thanks. It really feels like he’s on a date with Cas and his brain is starting to replay some of his recent dreams starring this man. He can easily picture what Cas looks like, flushed and naked, begging for release. His breathing speeds up and he shifts in his seat trying to ease the sudden tightness in his jeans. Dean silently prays Cas won’t notice the flush to his cheeks. 

“Thanks for joining me, it was nice to not have to sit alone.” Cas mumbles after the movie has ended and the lights turn back on. He gathers all their garbage and stands to stretch, his shirt riding up to expose his stomach and Dean catches a glint on his left wrist where the light hits a small metal object. It looks a lot like the one he has on his own wrist, if only he could get a closer look to see if it has anything written on it.

“Yeah” Dean says in a daze as he stares at Cas’ wrist. Cas notices his line of sight and instinctively goes to cover the bracelet. Dean suddenly feels like he’s intruding on something private and quickly tries to change the subject.

“We should do this again sometime.” He scratches the back of his neck and scuffs the toe of his shoe on the floor. 

“Yeah, I’d, uh I’d like that.” Cas stammers and then smiles at him. 

“Great!” He says a little too fast then: “I’ll give you a call sometime.” he tries to say a little more calmly. 

They part ways soon after that and Dean drives home with a smile permanently stretched across his face. He’s even forgotten why he’s mad at Sam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I completely forgot about this story, so sorry I promise it won't happen again.


End file.
